We have been revamping things in our home since Christmas. We started a process of attitude adjustment and working towards the final phase of content. With the news my dd failed her first semester of 5th grade, came the plan of testing for learning disabilities and other mental health issues. It has been a tough process for all involved.
I always thought that “bad” kids came from “bad” parenting. As I look back over the last 10 years of my dd short life I don’t see bad. I see some bad choices and mistakes but nothing out of the ordinary. I do see teachers, educators, and other professionals that don’t listen to parents though. Two years ago we put dd on ADHA meds at the suggestion of psychologists and school officials. After 6 months of watching my little girl suffer the side effects of these drugs and the doctors just give her more drugs to balance out the side effects we said enough! We weaned her off her meds and she is now drug free but still full of issues. The meds never helped these problems.
To streamline this process we set up rules that fit all occasions; at home, in public, as a guest, etc. All my kids have to do is THINK.
Is it Thoughtful
Is it Helpful
Is it Intelligent
Is it Necessary
Is it Kind
in 6 weeks I have not found a situation that these simple rules do not apply. Even my struggling dd has improved a little bit and that’s something that hasn’t happened in years.
The first day of school came and went. I didn’t shed a tear. I loved the quiet of the house. I relished a nap time that I could do whatever I wanted. I shaved my legs the first day of school without cutting myself for the first time all summer. Then came the dreaded day, the first loose tooth. I cried the first time I played tooth fairy for my dd. Now teeth pulling is gross. The gums make this weird sucking sound that rolls my stomach. I rinsed the teeth in mouth wash and helped my dd put them under her pillows (so I can find them later.) Now my oldest ds has not one but two loose teeth. This tooth fairy is already feeling the sting of tears.
After a series of occurrences this last school year, my nine year old darling daughter told me her teacher was lying to her. She was constantly hearing how she was the best in spelling, then hearing the same teacher tell the same thing to one of the least talented spellers in the class. Then, she missed school on her field day. When she returned to school, she received a first place ribbon and award. She was angry, she didn’t get first, she wasn’t even there. Out of the mouths of babes, as they say.
So is it wrong to be a little more realistic? I tell my DD she is beautiful and smart often. Its the truth! I never have lied to her about her abilities though. Example: she is not very good at math (just like mom), I tell her I know math is hard for her but she is smart and with a little work she’ll figure it out. My question is why lie? Kids are smart they know you are not being truthful with them. In my opinion it makes them resistant to honest praise. It trains them to be suspicious and they lose respect for those that lie to them.
Is this no one loses, no one has problems, teaching style really appropriate? Should we teach self esteem at the cost of integrity and trust? Why do we do this to our children knowing the adult world is not this way? I feel reality based teaching is where we need to be heading. I want my kids to hear the truth no matter where they are. Truth will always win.